Well…

It all started with a template Christmas letter and an exploitive idea that can only (most fortunately) emanate from a mind like mine.

Way back in the last century my wife and I received a Christmas letter from an acquaintance who resides in an undisclosed location. Upon reading it, I thought it seemed vaguely familiar. So I dug out the previous year’s collection and found their letter. Upon comparing the two, I realized she had simply substituted the age of their children, the various illnesses inflicted upon them, and their vacation destinations with the current ages of their children, the most recent horrific family illnesses complete with colorful depictions of the pain and suffering no one else could have possibly survived, and a detailed description of the fabulous vacation or vacations you certainly have no hope of experiencing given your beleaguered existence. Even the order of events was the same. But it was, however, printed on different Christmas-style paper. It also had an arrogant bragging tone to it that I found especially annoying.

Up to that point I had never written a Christmas letter. But I decided this particular letter and all those like it could no longer go unpunished. I decided to start writing my own Christmas letters. But I couldn’t bring myself to sending them to just anyone. I needed victims recipients that were aware of my brand of humor and I needed victims recipients I could offend without feelings of compunction. I chose my siblings.

As these things often go, it started out on a rather small scale and gradually increased in size and complexity. Much of the change could be directly attributed to the growth of technology and my personal use of it. My siblings remained in the technology dark ages for quite a while (most still are) so the exploitation worked out perfectly.

This website is a collection of those letters. You will see (if you choose to peruse this site) that some of the letters consist of actual websites and multi-media slideshows. They were originally distributed on CD-ROMs (with original case label artwork). If you have nothing better to do (and you obviously don’t since you are reading this), I have included zipped ISO files of those particular letters that you can download and burn. However, they are copyrighted…so you will need to send me money each time you view them or even think about viewing them (I included a handy PayPal donation link for just that purpose).

Each link includes a brief introduction. Sometimes I wrote about what I used to create it or what I was thinking at the time. Many of them were based on current events. Politics was a favorite source of inspiration as there was always something new and stupid going on. There were times when it was difficult to decide who to pick on…so many useful idiots.

If you choose to consume these letters, please be assured they are all free range, USDA choice, gluten free, dairy free, non-genetically modified, and completely void of high fructose corn syrup. But I will admit to occasional use of DDT to help control the bugs.

Tim